This is just a courtesy update to let whomever know that I'm still alive. And still employed.
I wouldn't wish this upon a fresh graduate. Really, they should not be allowed to call whatever this is a graduate program. Moving to different towns every 3 months is taking its toll - I'm on my second town, but still! The isolation, the lack of exposure to more advanced nursing skills.
Four years of work, and I'm contemplating throwing it all in a towel over 6 months of lousy experience. The change of scenario was refreshing at first, but that was until I finally caught my breath and realized, "What on earth! I'm being punished because of the lousy system hospitals have in place!"
Please, explain to me how a graduate nurse in a program differs from one who isn't in a "graduate program". They both work on the ward. Key difference: the label of "graduate nurse" which will either benefit you, or deter you from jumping in with both feet.
I'm just frustrated. I know exactly where I want to go, but my head is being held under water. I either need to surface for air STAT, or just take one big, deep breath and drown.
On a cheerier note - or not - it has recently occurred to me that I have not properly read a book, neither have I written anything for far too long. The fiction I used to write, albeit absolutely, positively juvenile and naive, was still writing paragraphs upon paragraphs. Today, all I can do I rustle up a short sentence. Cold. Abrupt. I feel like my brain has atrophied, along with my desire and motivation, and the faculty to write descriptively. *sigh* I suppose there is only one way around it. Baby steps. Realistic goals.
I do feel that there is one thing that will help me come back from all this gloom. A change in location. Then again, an old friend pointed out to me that I have never settled in a place long enough for stability. Could that have contributed to my current predicament? I do yearn for travel and change, but is what I long for contradictory to what I need?
"A tree often transplanted is never loaded with fruit" - Italian proverb, apparently
What a coincidence that you write a post on the day I check your blog!
ReplyDeleteHow come you're moving around so much? I don't think I understand how your graduate program works.
Hope everything apart from work is ok.
Sarah
Ah, well. Funny how the world works :)
ReplyDeleteMy graduate program is based in the rural area, therefore instead of being rotated to different wards like I would be if I were in a tertiary hospital, I get moved around to small (and I do emphasize on small) hospitals around the district.
All else is well. I wish the house would paint itself (given up on pestering the other half to do it). I heard you got a job! Congrats!